


Eternal

by Valgus



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Drama, M/M, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2016-02-12
Packaged: 2018-05-19 21:22:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5981371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valgus/pseuds/Valgus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hinata Shouyou came into Kageyama Tobio’s life for unbelievable, exhilarating 7 months, before he left, very suddenly and pretty much eternally.</p><p>And Kageyama didn’t know how he supposed to face that—how to live with that</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eternal

They were just getting ready for another championship. This time, they would surely beat Aobajousai, and then beat Shiratorizawa. This time, they would surely go to Nationals.

Or so Kageyama thought.

*)*

With fresh pain from getting eliminated, the Karasuno’s crows worked harder to get better and stronger.

Sometime along the process, Kageyama fought with Hinata about how their tosses-and-spike worked. Then, with everyone’s worry, especially from Yachi, in the background, Kageyama and Hinata parted to develop their own toss and spike.

Kageyama knew he was making some new amazing tosses. Kageyama knew his skill as setter grew.

What he didn’t know was that Hinata would never return to him.

*)*

It was the first cold evening after summer finally ended. There was no practice and Kageyama spent his day helping his mother with groceries and house cleaning, treating those works as exercise. 

When Kageyama just finished cleaning the bathroom, he walked to the living room to see his mother talking on the phone. Kageyama strode to the fridge to get water. His mother placed the phone down and turned around to her son, her face pale and her mouth was slightly hanging open.

“Tobio…”

Kageyama wasn’t sure he could hear her right that time. He didn’t remember much. But he remembered grabbing his jacket and bag and ran to the bus stop, to the hospital, where almost all of Karasuno team already there.

Daichi stepped forward towards Kageyama, “Kageyama, you don’t need to see it.”

Kageyama, who couldn’t really feel Daichi’s hands against his shoulder, could only blink, “I have to.”

Suga, who stood behind Daichi when he followed the captain, gulped visibly and hid his face. Even Daichi couldn’t seem to say anything else. He eventually stepped aside and Kageyama walked into that white-walled room alone. He could faintly hear hospital noises and murmur from the opened door, but his ears had been ringing strangely since his mother turned around to see him.

There, in the middle of that whitewashed room, he lied on the only furniture, a wheeled hospital bed. His body was covered with large white sheet, but Kageyama could see his face, a ghastly pale sleeping face underneath bright, messy locks of orange.

If Kageyama ignored the unusual color of Hinata’s skin, he could imagine his dumbass of a partner’s eyes popped open anytime, then he would jumped up and down to Kageyama, asking for a toss, smiling, and laughing, and just… breathing.

Just alive.

He could hear more people coming outside. He could hear Yachi’s distressed cry and Kiyoko-senpai almost silent sob.

Kageyama didn’t want to be there any longer. He didn’t want to remember Hinata like this. He wanted to remember Hinata smiling, cheeks blushing, and very much mobile on the court.

So he exited the room and left the hospital without even bothering with goodbye to his teammates.

*)*

It was a first night Kageyama experienced in the world with no Hinata.

He went on just fine with his life before he met Hinata, so why that night he vomited the curry he had for dinner, the one his mother had so specially made? Kageyama crawled to his back, shuddering, wanted to vomit more, but there was nothing left on his stomach.

He felt absurdly exhausted and weak and he just wanted to hide on his bed and probably go to bed and probably not waking up ever again, because what was the point of waking up ever again to the world with no Hinata in it?

Kageyama didn’t know whether he was crying or not, but he knew he was so scared he clenched to his pillow really, really hard, afraid of letting go, afraid of not feeling anything, afraid of feeling even the tiniest bit of sadness.

The funeral would be held the next day.

Kageyama woke up before the sunrise to find his best black clothes for the funeral.

*)*

The funeral was a blur. People brought flowers. Kageyama brought nothing. Didn’t he gave Hinata enough tosses on the court? Was that enough?

No. That was never enough.

So Kageyama staggered in front of Hinata’s house, realizing he didn’t know about the area, realizing he didn’t know anything about flower buying or just… anything. He didn’t know about anything at all.

He saw Hinata’s little sister. Natsu never looked so tiny and sad. Kageyama could imagine it would take her a very long time to stand before mirror and not cry, because she was a mirror herself to her older brother. He saw Hinata’s parents. They just lost a son, much like how Kageyama had just lost a best friend, and somehow that made Kageyama felt like he wasn’t too alone.

Would he call Hinata that? A best friend? The phrase didn’t seem to be enough.

Hinata was more.

And Kageyama wanted more of Hinata; more of his spikes, more of his stamina on the court, more of his cheerfulness and natural schmoozer ability, more of his smile, more of him coming to get Kageyama for lunch together, more of him stealing Kageyama’s meat buns, more of Hinata sleeping next to him on their sleepover, more of Hinata eating too much raw egg over rice on their breakfast together on Kageyama’s house…

Just more of Hinata.

But there was no more of Hinata.

Kageyama slumped down outside Hinata’s house, ignoring sea of people coming to pay their last respect to Hinata Shouyou.

There were so many people.

There were so many people in this world. Was it six billion? Seven billion? Eight billion?

Kageyama didn’t know.

He was just sure that even though there were a thousand billion human on earth, he would still feel just as lost and alone because he couldn’t see Hinata ever again.

*)*

Kageyama found solace on exercising and practicing. He stayed behind on the gym until very late to practice his new serve. Daichi had scolded him, but Kageyama coolly returned his scold by, “Since we lost a powerful middle blocker, I have to train harder to fill the space.”

Daichi said nothing and let Kageyama slide that night.

*)*

After ripples of news about Hinata reached school, Karasuno High gave its students a pamphlet on how to be cautious on the road, to avoid traffic accident. Murmurs reached Kageyama’s ears and people only spoke to him when they delivered his condolence for losing Hinata.

He ate his lunch alone on the roof, under the fresh new autumn sky where the sun was getting paler each day.

The left side of his shoulder and arm where Hinata always exist felt so much colder lately, but perhaps that was just the weather.

Kageyama swallowed his lunch and looked up at the sky.

Where do people go after they die? Did Hinata went to the sky? To the sun, perhaps? Is there any way for Kageyama to meet him again, even for just a second? Wouldn’t just a glimpse possible? How come the universe didn’t have any way to make Kageyama and Hinata meet again?

Hinata Shouyou came into Kageyama Tobio’s life for an unbelievable, exhilarating 7 months, before he left, very suddenly and pretty much eternally.

And Kageyama didn’t know how he supposed to face that—to live with that.

*)*

Before winter holiday started, Kageyama cleaned up his almost-empty bedroom to make some more space for new volleyball magazines. Just behind his study table, he found a comb he thought he lost. He reached for the dark blue, small plastic thing.

The last time he saw this comb was when Hinata stayed over.

There were strands of short orange hairs among its teeth.

Kageyama sat on his bed and just stared at the comb for a very long time, glaring at those orange hairs before his vision went blurry because his eyes became very painful and his chest too and his whole body too.

It was so very dumb to miss someone when that very person would never return to you again, but Kageyama couldn’t help it.

It had been months.

And he still woke up wondering what kind of toss he would give to Hinata.

Only that the orange-haired dumbass, the first person in the whole world who said that there was nothing wrong with Kageyama’s toss, wouldn’t be there on the court today.

He wouldn’t come back to Karasuno High anymore.

He just wouldn’t come back.

He just wouldn’t.

*)*

When taking train to buy new kneepads in town, Kageyama looked down at under the speeding train on the platform, wondering whether there was a way for him to get to Hinata’s place.

But Hinata’s angry face grabbed his mind faster than lightning, saying now that Hinata couldn’t play volleyball anymore, he had passed on his dream to Kageyama.

So Kageyama had to go to Nationals along with the team, because that was definitely what Hinata wanted.

*)*

When they did went to Nationals, after very much hardwork since no one could do spikes like Hinata, Kageyama felt like he was somehow a step closer to Hinata.

Perhaps, Hinata’s dream had always been his as well.

He went alone to get boxed milk before they boarded the bus to return to school, but he saw Tsukishima getting water from the tap next to vending machine.

“Good job today,” murmured Kageyama without really looking at Tsukishima.

Tsukishima mumbled in return, “You did good job too. You set better than ever.”

Kageyama didn’t know what to say to that, so they just shared a deafening silence for a while.

“It’s weird,” Tsukishima mumbled again, suddenly, and even his bored voice almost startled Kageyama, “No one in our team is yelling and being messy and asking for toss and bickering me for being so tall again.”

“Mm,” was all Kageyama managed to say.

“I don’t understand,” continued Tsukishima.

Kageyama finally raised his head to see Tsukishima, as he took his boxed milk from the landing. “Yeah, I don’t understand either how that traffic accident happened.”

Tsukishima looked down, “No. Not that. I don’t understand how can you still live with that—just like this, without him.”

Kageyama suddenly felt a pang and a great desire to just cry, but he just blinked. His tears were probably dried already at this point.

“We must go to Nationals,” Kageyama finally said, in a voice that didn’t sound like his.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

Tsukishima gulped his drink, before shuffling, getting ready to step away, “Hey, King?”

“Mm?”

“We have to win the Nationals, so we can go to his grave with that trophy in our hands.”

“Mm,” Kageyama nodded.

He watched Tsukishima left. Never in a million years he thought that he could have this kind of conversation with Tsukishima, but perhaps sadness had bound them apart.

An imaginary Hinata popped up into his mind and smiling, bright like the sun, ‘See, Kageyama, you can befriend Tsukishima too if you wanted to! You two just need to smile at each other! Smile! Smile!’

But as Kageyama smiled, his tears fell. 

He must win Nationals. 

He must.

*)*

Years come and by, passing just like seasons. 

They won the Nationals. They brought the trophy to Hinata’s grave.

Tanaka and Nishinoya were solemnly quiet that day. They crouched down before Hinata’s grave and patted the stone structure.

“Winning Nationals must had been a lot easier if you were around, but look! We won this for you!” said Tanaka.

“You don’t worry about us, Shouyou! We’ll go even higher after this!” added Nishinoya.

Kageyama left the grave last. 

He stood there, staring down at Hinata’s tombstone, and it didn’t feel like Hinata was there, lying underneath the cold structure, eternally in peace.

Kageyama took a deep breath then bowed down. “Thank you… Hinata—Shouyou.”

Then he turned around and returned to his teammates.

Years come by and left.

Kageyama was ready to be one of Japanese’s representations for the Olympic.

His left side of his body still felt cold and he still woke up in tears sometimes.

But he had to move on.

He had to go on.

He would fly higher and train harder.

Because even after all that time, Kageyama still wanted to be a setter that Hinata can be proud of.


End file.
